Finding Peace Abroad

How a Concert Changed My Life

It happened on my last day. A sweet release of everything that happened in the last two weeks. Or maybe a delayed reaction to what I experienced just the night before. Either way, I was sitting there in my mostly packed-up hotel room, streams pouring down my face. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or sad. I felt a lot but also nothing at the same time. I was the most at peace I’ve ever felt. In a foreign country thousands of miles from my home where I knew maybe 4-5 words of the language.

I was leaving today, back to an uncertain reality. I had escaped for a little while under the guise of seeing my favorite band, probably ever. It wasn’t a lie though—I had somehow won the ticket lottery and got three tickets over two nights to a fan meeting/concert at the Tokyo Dome. If I was going to travel that far for a concert, I might as well do some sightseeing too. So I made an entire trip out of it. I got to experience an entirely new world for about 10 days, with a pit stop on my favorite group of islands on the way over.

I had just cried the night before. That was different but also similar to what was happening right now. It had started last night because the other members were crying. They were happy so many came to see them perform two nights in a row, and sell out as well. They knew they had made it from all the energy people were giving the entire time. I knew they felt that because I felt that with them. At that moment in those stands, I had a connection with the group—not just a parasocial one because I know for a fact others there with me also felt that connection in that stadium.

If music tastes do stop expanding and growing by my age, as many studies have shown, I’d be extremely delighted knowing NewJeans will stay as my favorite band of all time. Their music, on initial discovery, got me through some rough patches. Their discography allowed me to get into my feels but also be uplifted. This, along with the additional content they put out, made me feel a special connection with them. It made it seem like traveling across the ocean to see them was something I would wholeheartedly do (which I did in fact do). To support them as much as they supported me. I was on my journey, and they were on theirs, but it felt like we were on the same journey together.

The journey to get to that seat in that stadium was turbulent, to say the least. Through losing friends, family, and jobs, my emotions were on a constant spiral for what felt like the last few years. This group and their music stood solid with me through it though.

However, in these last two weeks abroad, I mostly felt free. I was free to express my love for this group as I had met others who were much more passionate and public about it than me. These new friends only saw the freest side of me and didn’t even know. I felt free in a different country since I could do just about anything I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter what others around me thought. I’d probably never see them again. I was thousands of miles from people who knew my circles. The world is big, but sometimes your city feels so small. It was freeing to be in a place that felt big again. Unknown but exciting.

At that moment in that hotel room, I didn’t understand what was happening, but it was the most cathartic moment of my life.